Sexuality and love

I've been considering my own sexual evalution, the importance I've put on it during my life and the possability of being deprived of any new experiences. I went to a catholic school, wore the cute little school girl uniform and my friends were very experimental and experienced for their age. I was one of the last in my crowd to loose my virginity and that's not saying much considering I was very young when I lost mine. I had a very strong sex drive at an early age and found it difficult to be single because at that point in my life I had no idea that girls masterbated, infact I was 25 years old before I discovered I was able to take care of this itch all on my own. My early lovers were men ( or boys I suppose) Who were out for their own gratification. I was on to my fourth or fifth lover before I experienced my first orgasm. I can't attribute that to my lovers skills as he was no more interested in my pleasure as any other I had been with at that time. My first love was with a guy, he was my best friend and also the only male I have ever loved. We were as active sexually as any young teenage couple that has discovered they may have relations on a regular basis. I found strength in my sexual nature and used it to my advantage.

I was no different than any other girl my age except that I was far more sensative than most. I never understood (and still don't) how men can just be sooooo infatuated with you until you sleep with them and then you become the dreaded "booty call". It is an enormous lack of respect, for you as an indevidual and for women in general. I wonder if gay men behave that way with each other or if it strictly a strait man's bag.

Well with the end of my longterm relationship with my first love (due to an act of extreme betrayal on his part) I decided to widen my horizons and start to seriously date women. I had experimented as we all do in my earlier years and had had many a crush a some cute girl I was foolin around with but nothing too serious until then. I finally fell head over heels in love with a younger woman when I moved back home to Toronto from B.C.. I was 27 and as far as I knew at the time she was 24. She was amazing, beautiful, smart, funny and she made my heart flutter everytime I heard her voice. We fell hard and fast and before I knew it I was thinking of her as "THE ONE". But back to the good stuff, the sex I mean. She was agressive in a seductive way, she made me feel like I was on the recieving end of all the same lures I had used in my life. I was at her mercy. I had never in my life felt such an attraction or all consuming desire. When we were apart all I had to do was think of her and I was good to go. She would call me at work and after the first hello have the most steamy orgasm right there on the phone when I was least expecting it. I would be completely floored and barely able to finish my work day. She was unashamed when we were out and would whisper erotic flirtations in my ear while giving me that come hither look. I was in my own kind of heaven with her. Then the day came when it was over, I never really understood it at the time but she was far younger than she led on (19) and was not ready for a serious relationship. I thought I would die.

Alas i survived, she taught me so much. I was now aware that I was gay and not bi as I had earlier thought. During our six month tryst I had discovered a whole new me although I found it slightly difficult to deal with, both the loss of her and the realization that I was not who I thought I was. During the years since her I have fallin in love two more times. Both relation ships have taught me much and I will forever love them in different ways.

I once again must say that I am fortunate in that I have had such rich experiences, but here I am in my prime and I play solo. Yes it's true that dreaded lesbian deathbed has found it's way into my life and sucked the power right out of me. I know that provocative vixen is still within me buried deep beneath my bills and monotonous routines. Perhaps I will be inspired again or perhaps I've had all I am to have. I know that love doesn't depend on sex but can one with such a foxy disposition bloom in this station?? Time will tell.....