Confessions

The most intimate part of a kiss is just before the lips meet, when you feel the breath and heat but not the pressure. Sometimes I loose myself in magnificent reveries. I remember how it was to feel the earth move beneath my feet. To be drunk on lust. Such a powerful drug it is, we will follow it to the end of the earth, chance it all, even hurt ones we love just for that high. I remember a girl, she was my best friend for a time. For the sake of her right to privacy I'll call her "Mia". Mia and I were wild. We knew how to have a good time and made it our mission to do so as much as possible. We met at a bar one night in the ladies bathroom. Later that same night we found ourselves at the same party and hit it right off. Now keep in mind that at this point in my life I was pretty damn sure I was straight, Possibly Bi but I never would have admitted it.

During the evening Mia sat on my lap on a chaise lounge and stretched out on top of me. I remember the bolt of electricity that went though me at that moment and the confusion it left me in afterward. I recall the feeling of her long hair laying across my chest and the way it tickled and sent shivers through my whole body. I knew what I was feeling was new, I knew I had never felt it before. I found my self stroking her hair and talking softly to her, as close to her ear as I would allow myself to go without putting my lips on her neck. To my amazement she responded to every touch, every breath and every word just the way I wanted her to. The party was in full swing all around us but she was all I could see. When she finally rose to leave I felt cold and perplexed. That night I found the best looking guy I could and spent two days in bed with him proving to myself how straight I really was.

The next couple of months were like learning who I was all over again. I reconsiled a relationship with a past lover (a man)who I had spent years with and continued to spend a lot of time with Mia. One night we decided to go to a exotic dance bar where women danced and girated for five dollar bills and men drank themselves stupid and paid to have their desires met. We sat down at the only table left in the bar and I asked her why she wanted to come here, her response was not what I was looking for. She said "wouldn't you rather be in a bar full of men and only a handfull of other women rather than one full of competition"? I agreed but sectretly I was dissapointed that she hadn't at least said "Because I was curious". So there we sat and drank free beer all night while man after man tried to sit with us. To my surprise the more she drank the more she seemed less interested in the men and far more interested in me. The shooter girl came over and told us that a table of men had bought us the whole tray and we invited her to sit with us and drink them all. This seductive girl taught us the art of the "hooter shooter" and I must say if we weren't a hit before we certainly were now. I don't think the patrons of that establishment cared what was on the stage anymore, all eyes were on us. Mia seemed to feed off this attention and it seemed to press her on to more dangerous ground. Before I knew it she was on my lap giving me a taste of rasberry liquer, first from the test tube between her breasts and next from her lips. The world was spinning from more than just the alcohol that night. From that night forward we would often end up in eachothers arms or at least connected at the mouth during lengthy workouts on some dancefloor. It took a while for me to admit it to myself but I had one hell of a crush on my best friend. Unfortunately deception and betrayal ended our friendship early on, I never had the chance to explore my feelings further. I was left wounded, confused and very self consious.

I wonder where she is today? I've looked her up in the usual places but have never found her again. I wonder if she knows that her playful ways awoke a whole other woman in me. I wonder if she knows that thinking of her now still sends a thrill through me and allows me to remember a more innocent time when a kiss could make me quiver.