Random Thoughts

Sitting here listening to Norah Jones, Sipping on home made herbal iced tea. Life is sweet. There is something to be said for surrounding yourself in beauty, heaping it on every sense. The faint scent of clean linen, the fur and feathered covered stools and ottomans, Ah yes I do love my luxuries. Who needs to be rich and famous when you can make your own space as sumptuous as any celebrity. I suppose my passions have become interior design, gourmet cooking, writing and being the hostess with the mostest. I'd love to have my own little cafe full of good books and great food. Maybe one day.

Another Pulpit Speech (I can't help myself)

April is almost over and spring is here. The buds are making their first appearance on the trees and the flowers in the garden are breaking through the ground to meet the sun. The smell of barbque fills the air of my little neighborhood. It's time to take down all the curtains for their spring cleaning.

Not everyone sees the beauty in the changing seasons. Some have so much worry about the things that most of us take for granted. This year when we are all shaping up our dwellings and making Martha Stewart proud with our skills, try to keep the less fortunate in mind. Perhaps we can down size and donate some of our luxuries. The Salvation Army is always open to donations and volunteers. In whatever way works best for you, try to give a little back this season. Just because Christmas is a long way away it doesn't mean all those needy people are any better off than they were. Giving is essential all year.

Keep in mind that anything can happen. Just because we are all comfortable today doesn't mean we won't be 80 and eating cat food in the future. Always put yourself in the shoes of others. (ok enough preaching for today) :)

Growing Up Part Two

The very first entry on this blog site was a question to myself. I wanted to figure out when one could call themselves "grown up". I believe I may have found my answer. Innocence comes with many things one of which is self-absorbtion. I remember when I was a child and contemplating life and the world around me, I would wonder if life stopped when I was asleep. It's like the whole "if a tree falls in the forest" business. If you are a parent then you see it everyday. Children are the epitamy of egocentric. It seems when you reach a certain stage of maturity you start to see yourself as a part of a whole, not the centre of it. We find ourselves being far more selfless and doing what's right for all, not just for ourselves. We take responsibility for our actions and stop blaming mistakes on our youth. We worry about the far reaching consiquences and not just how today is effected. I suppose I've been grown up for about eleven months. Better late then never........

Sappho

I wish our forefathers weren't such puritanicles.

The amount of art and literature lost to the burnings and prohibitions of the past is staggering. One of the most powerful poets in history is the beautiful Sappho (as Socrates called her). Sappho lived on an island with her female puples. These young girls were taught poetry, art and the ways of love so that when they "graduated" they would be ready to be married off. The few pieces of writing left by this ledgend are steamy and heart breaking.

THE MOON
by: Sappho
Stars about the lovely moon
Fade back and vanish very soon,
When, round and full, her silver face
Swims into sight, and lights all space.

Sappho repeatedly had her poor heart broken by these young beauties whom she instructed. You can well imagine how easy it would be to fall in love when coaching a breathtaking beauty in the art of passion. Yes Sappho had quite the tutoring skills. When a girl left her training she left a woman, ready to yield the the desires of her soon to be husband (even if he was decades older). Imagine pouring your heart and soul into some sweet thing just to hand her over to some old man to use as a maid, prostitue and incubator. Sappho's work has been called lewd and not fit for study by those that were in power for the last few millenium. I would like her to have what little work she has left to be shared and enjoyed by all. Sappho has inspired many poets through out the ages and has allowed women who love women to feel understood. Ironicly the small Island Sappho spent her days on was called "Lesbos" I suppose that is the greek word that "lesbian" was derived from. I'm including some of her works in this entry, I hope you all enjoy it as much as I have.

SONG OF THE ROSE
by: Sappho
Zeus chose us a King of the flowers in his mirth,
He would call to the rose, and would royally crown it;
For the rose, ho, the rose! is the grace of the earth,
Is the light of the plants that are growing upon it!
For the rose, ho, the rose! is the eye of the flowers,
Is the blush of the meadows that feel themselves fair,
Is the lightning of beauty that strikes through the bowers
On pale lovers that sit in the glow unaware.
Ho, the rose breathes of love! ho, the rose lifts the cup
To the red lips of Cypris invoked for a guest!
Ho, the rose having curled its sweet leaves for the world
Takes delight in the motion its petals keep up,
As they laugh to the wind as it laughs from the west.

TO ONE WHO LOVED NOT POETRY
by: Sappho
THOU liest dead, and there will be no memory left behind
Of thee or thine in all the earth, for never didst thou bind
The roses of Pierian streams upon thy brow; thy doom
Is now to flit with unknown ghosts in cold and nameless gloom.

AND THEIR FEET MOVE

And their feet move rhythmically, as tender feet of Cretan girls danced once around an altar of love, crushing a circle in the soft smooth flowering grass.

SAPPHO

BEFORE THEY WERE MOTHERS

Before they were mothers Leto and Niobe had been the most devoted of friends.

SAPPHO

Balance

I think the most important thing we have to learn through out our lives is balance. Nature shows us how the slightest shift can change our world dramaticly. You can see it in everything, both the tangible and intangible. For instance, if you have two molecules of different origin and you combine them they become something entirely different. If you add one more you have something new again. We all know people who are too friendly and also those who are too abrasive. Our favorite people are those that are well balanced and somewhere inbetween. If you eat all day and watch t.v. you are going to grow larger, if you don't eat enough and run all day you'll get sick, but if you take in just enough food and expend just enough energy you will remain healthy and strong. I know that I am constantly trying to find my balance. I am the queen of extreams and tend to go big or go home. I tend to live in excess. I more than anyone I know need to learn balance. I love too much, work too much, shop too much and eat too much. I must admit I love extravagance. My goal for this year is pick something and find the proper balance for it in my life. I believe I will find more enjoyment in things if they are in harmony.

Spring Fever

I believe I am directly connected to the sun. It's amazing how my moods are dictated by how many sun beams I'm exposed to. This was an unusually long, dark and cold winter and my melancholy sentiment was a mirror image of it. I truly believe that there is a kind of "spring fever" I get every year. It's like waking up after a long nap. I feel excitement again and hope for the future. If I wasn't so patriotic I'd move to the Carribian. Then again I've heard that our great nation may soon be part of one large country called America. If that does happen you will find me in a grass hut on and Island some where. As long as there's wireless and and a Homesense around the corner I'll be fine.

Fathers day? What's that?

Why is it that men find it so easy to turn their back on thier offspring? I have a close friend that is going through a divorce and shares custody of her three year old daughter with her soon to be ex-husband. Late last night she recieved a phone call from him asking her if he gave up all his rights to their daughter would she drop her claim on child support. He basicly sold his daughter. My daughter's father has never met her and has never shown any interest in doing so. My own biological father never contacted me during my life and even though I sought him out and spent years getting to know him, he still never treated me the same way he did the daughter he raised. Is it genetic? Is it something primal? I mean is it like male lions just goin around mating and producing babies just to have their seed out there? I know that there are many fathers that truly love their children and would do anything for them but they are few and far between these days. It's no bloody wonder that female homosexuality has soared the way it has in the last few decades. Even though I didn't grow up with my biological father i did have a dad. My mother remarried when I was just little and I grew up believing that Tom (her second husband) was my father. I was a daddy's girl and loved him to death. we were a family till my mid twenties when my parents divorced. I was devistated to find that my dad divorced me too. when he fell out of love with my mother he seemed to fall out of love with me as well. Through my life I have never felt the unconditional love of a man in any form. The only constant I have experienced is my mother, daughter and sisters. Rather than dwelling on this I would like to rejoice in all the love I have, all the women that have been there for me through thick and thin. Women truly are the beauty in this world.

The artist in all of us

What makes you an artist? Is it a degree? A gallery showing? Or is it because you have made a career out of it? Some of the most artistic people I've known have no degree, have never had thier work shown publicly and have never sold a piece. My paternal grandfather was an "artist". He taught art at the university level in Toronto and did a lot of work for different architectual firms. My mother can sketch the most beautiful pieces in minutes and I've done my fair share of creations myself. My daughter can learn any drum beat instantly and my little sister has her own artsy way about her. So I guess you could say I come from a family of artists but if you ask any of them (except my grandfather who has passed) they would shrug and say "noooo I just do it for fun". Well I want to be the first to acknowledge all those artists out there who are NOT world renowned, who are not making a living off thier gift and who are selling themselves short. Art is all interperatation, it's what makes life interesting and beautiful. I wouldn't want to live in a world without art in every form.

My ode to you... God help me

So you wanted me to write about you so here it goes. I spent 3 years with you. I went from climbing to my goal to the deepest rut I have ever had during those years. I suffered the worst depression, I drank to stay alive, I felt no hope, no comfort and more alone than I ever had before or since. I tried every way possible to escape, from leaving you, to cheating on you to a suicide attempt. Being with you was like having ten problem children all in one. You never helped me with bills, goals or to better myself in anyway. You rely on everyone else to make your life for you and have no idea how to stand on your own two feet. You are by far the most negative person I have ever met in my life, so full of rage and hate you spew poison everytime you open your mouth. You are so vengeful that people are afraid to cross you in any way. You have no boundaries and will do whatever it takes to achieve the revenge you seek. You see yourself as a victim and because of that you will never grow. You take no responsabilities for your actions and place blame on anyone but yourself.

Even with all of this I still view our relationship as a very good learning experience. If I survived you I can survive anything.

"You Are Soooo Nice"

If you ask any random aquantance of mine what their impression is of me they will undoubtedly say "she is so nice". I'm continually suprised how many people are amazed by simple courtesy and respect. What does that say about our society today. I lived in a small town for a very long three years and I found it difficult to connect with anyone there. It seems that the people there were very suspicious of me. They thought I must have had ulterior motives and thought me "fake". I found it intolerable, I fell into a depression and eventually had to move away to cleanse myself of such a negative place.

I now live in a great little city and have made many genuine friendships that will stand the test of time.

The story doesn't end there though. Unfortunately there are the cynical and jaded everywhere we go. Last week I had a day from hell. I worked very hard and found little comfort in those around me. When I asked for help I was confronted with zero understanding and sarcasm. I really felt alone and misunderstood. I think those of us who make it our mission to be kind have a much harder time dealing with those who aren't. My heart is my very favorite part of me. I can look in the mirror and truly say I am the kindest person I can be.

We all have our problems and have been hurt, stepped on and screwed over but you can't let that change you and make you bitter. Remember that every negative thing you say takes seven positive remarks to undo. It can be hard to put on a smile some days but if you can brighten just one persons day then you have contributed to the good of us all.